


Sex Sells

by failingmyalevelsforthis



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Baking, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Slow Burn, bi!Dan, bi!phil, interactive introverts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-04-29 01:04:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14461758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/failingmyalevelsforthis/pseuds/failingmyalevelsforthis
Summary: Dan and Phil are about to depart on their second stage show ‘Interactive Introverts’ but with ticket sales slow and interest dwindling their management come up with a plan.Sex sells. And a secret relationship will drum up the interest they need to save their careers. But is it worth risking their friendship?





	1. An ultimatum

There’s no denying that Dan and Phil are close. That’s what happens when you live and work with someone for the best part of your adult life. And sure, they might have played up their closeness over the years. But this is ridiculous. 

“Let me get this right. You want us to date each other?” Dan asks, looking over at Phil with a bemused expression. “Don’t get me wrong, Phil’s a great guy but I think you’ve been reading a bit too much phanfiction.”

He laughs at his own joke and can’t help feeling a bit relieved hearing Phil’s light chuckle next to him. Imagine if Phil had agreed to this. It’s a stupid plan. 

“I know you think this is a stupid plan,” Jenny, their manager, says seriously from across the desk. She clearly hadn’t appreciated Dan’s reference. “But I have to make this clear,” she continues, nodding to a young man with green hair scribbling notes next to her, “You wouldn’t actually be dating.”

Dan and Phil respond at the same time. 

“Well that changes  _everything_ ,” Dan jibes sarcastically. 

“But people would think we were,” Phil says. 

Dan can see Jenny struggling not to react as she ignores him and turns to Phil. “For all intents and purposes, yes.” 

“We’re not going to lie. We don’t do that,” Phil states, dismissing the idea. Dan turns his head slightly and meets Phil’s eyes in agreement. 

“We wouldn’t be expecting you to ‘come out’ or tell them you’re dating. All we’re talking about is a few more  _Phan_  moments in videos and a few ‘slip ups’ on the tour. Your fans can come to their own conclusions about what it all means… _God knows they’re good at that,_ ” she mutters.

“What about after the tour?” Dan asks, hoping they’ll realise how stupid it is to expect them to maintain this for the rest of their careers. 

“You dial it down. Your video metrics are meeting the targets on their own.” 

Dan looks sceptical. 

“Look, you’re good at what you do but the tour needs something different.” Jenny leans forward, placing her elbows on the desk,” We can work with the algorithm to improve to views on YouTube, but we all know the algorithm doesn’t encourage long-term viewership. We need to target the people who have been watching you for a long time. They are the people who will spend £30 on a ticket, buy your merch and then ask for the tour DVD for Christmas,” she pauses thoughtfully, “That means we need those who see you as more than  _friends_.” She draws out the last word, letting it sit in the air as the room falls silent. 

“There are other ways to sell tickets,” Phil points out. 

Dan jumps in, “Yeah we talked about having lower prices, like 30% of the seats reserved at £10.”

“And, we have a much larger audience now, so there’s a bigger group to market to,” Phil adds.

The two talk over each other, firing out alternative ways to drum up interest and reassuring their manager that they have sold out a tour before and can do it again. 

Dan can’t believe they would risk asking them to do something like this. This has to be worse than the time they suggested leaking their nudes because Dan’s depression had knocked him out for most of the year and they needed to create ‘hype’ to get his viewing figures up again.

Phil hadn’t said a word. He stood up, Dan staring up at him waiting to see what would happen next until he got the hint and stood up too. They silently walked out of the room and didn’t look back. That night their PR manager called them to apologise. And then their main manager called to apologise. And then the head of the agency called to apologise. 

It took three days of grovelling until Phil would even speak to them. Dan didn’t try to intervene. He just watched Phil handle it, protecting them from the people who were meant to help them. He often worries that if Phil hadn’t been there, he may have just agreed. Anything for the views. They told him he needed them, after all. 

Dan was sure they wouldn’t try something like that again. He doesn’t know what Phil said to them in that phone call, he had walked into his bedroom and closed the door. A signal that the conversation wasn’t for Dan’s ears. He thought no one would want a repeat of that situation.

Phil would pull them out of the tour in a heartbeat if it threatened Dan. And, considering Dan’s fragile grasp on his sexuality, suggesting they ‘date’, even if it’s fake, is risky. 

When him and Phil finally exhaust their alternative ideas, they stare at Jenny expectantly, waiting to hear her judgement. Dan realises the green haired man who had been furiously taking notes all meeting had put his pen down while him and Phil were talking. His heart drops. 

“I understand that this is a lot to ask of you, and we will need other methods to increase ticket sales,” she pauses, “The truth of the matter is that this is your second tour and we have no guarantee that it will be successful. We don’t have any other clients in your line of work doing these kinds of tours and we need to be 100% confident that these tickets will sell.” She looks them both in the eyes, and Dan can tell she is telling them the truth. “It’s up to you, but I cannot guarantee this tour will happen unless you cooperate with us.”

An ultimatum. Dan looks across at Phil and frowns as he watches him stare at the blank wall behind Jenny’s head in silence. 

Dan wonders whether he’s going to walk out again, but the look on his face is different. He’s thinking. Dan’s mind can’t quite stretch to believing he’s actually considering it. 

This is ridiculous. Their management shouldn’t be having meetings about how close him and Phil’s shoulders will be in their next video. 

Except it seems they are. 

“You’ve got about a week to think about it before we need to announce and start promotions,” Jenny says, standing up, “Give us a call when you decide.”

“We will,” Phil replies, also standing up. 

Dan follows his lead and starts walking towards the door. 

“Oh, and if you do decide not to go through with this,” Jenny adds, “We will have to have a serious conversation about our future working relationship.”

Jenny smiles at them as they walk out the door. 


	2. Silent partner

Dan can only remember one other moment in his and Phil’s friendship when they walked in silence like this. 

Even after the nudes fiasco, the minute they left the room Phil cracked a joke and they fell back into their normal easy banter. 

Obviously, they don’t spend every moment of the day talking to each other. They are often glad to be the kind of friends who they don’t have to talk to all the time. Who they can share silence with without it being uncomfortable. 

This time, however, the silence is heavy. Dan wants to open is mouth but his jaw feels wired shut and he can’t prize it open to say words his mind hasn’t thought of yet anyway. They walk slowly and casually, as if they can convince each other that it’s not awkward by the way their hands sway by their sides even though in many ways they’re tied behind their backs. 

No matter how hard they try, it’s awkward. 

It’s awkward because it’s caught up with them. The touches, the looks, the lingering stares. The things innocuous enough not to edit out, but suggestive enough to keep in. 

Fan service. Queer bating. Call it what you want. They chose to do it. Now they’re living with the consequences. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be that hard. A tweet from Phil was all it took to convince people they share a bed. So, they’d sit a bit closer in videos, laugh a bit harder than they need to, glance at each other more often. The tour would be easier. Stand closer, plan something to give it away, reveal some ‘truths’. Maybe they wouldn’t even need to lie. 

And it’s not like they wouldn’t know what they were doing. Phil would know that when Dan leaves in the clip of him staring at Phil, maybe even checking him out, that it means nothing. That it’s for their management. It’s for their careers. Maybe they could make it work. 

And when the tour is over, they can see if it worked. If they’re successful, if their friendship is intact, if they’ve kept their sanity. They could keep it up for a bit. Ride the wave. When the interest dies down, they can phase it out. The return of ‘no homo’ Howell. Maybe it wouldn’t even be that bad. 

They take the stairs down. It’s only two floors and it’s like they’ve made the mutual decision that as long as they are moving their silence is acceptable. It doesn’t mean they’re avoiding each other’s gaze. It doesn’t mean they’re hoping the other one says something first. It doesn’t mean they’re thinking they might say yes. 

It took a day. The last time they didn’t speak. Phil gave him a tight-lipped smile as he got out of bed and no one said good morning. From there it spiralled, they spent the day silently moving around each other, each one too afraid to say the wrong thing. To break the unspoken agreement that if they didn’t talk about it, it never happened. It never mattered. 

Phil had said goodnight. And Dan knew they were going to be okay. 

Dan doesn’t know what Phil will do this time. 

He follows the older boy out of the glass doors at the front of the building. The cold October air sticks to his throat. 

“I’ll call a cab,” Phil’s voice catches him off guard.

Dan tries to remember how to sound normal. His voice is deep, right? A bit posh. Definitely not squeaky and breathless. “It’s not that far. We could walk?” He doesn’t really want to be in a confined space right now. 

“Oh. Yeah, okay...” Phil trails off.

There’s a beat before the two start walking in the direction of their flat. 

It’s awkward. But Dan can’t point out that’s it awkward because that would be awkward. Maybe Phil doesn’t even think it’s awkward. Maybe he can see that it’s just a marketing decision. Or maybe he just thinks it’s too stupid to even consider. Maybe he’s not talking because Dan isn’t talking. 

Maybe he doesn’t think doing the tour is worth it if they have to pretend to date. 

 _Pretend to date._ What would that be like? 

Obviously, it would only be in public. Most of the time their relationship would be the same. If Dan’s honest, living together means being pretty domestic at the best of times. But they do that at a distance, it’s not like Phil is stood behind him with his arms round his waist while Dan does the dishes. 

Still, it wouldn’t be the same. They’d have to be closer. 

Maybe it would be like when they were younger, when they were still working out their boundaries, before they cared what people thought. When Dan wanted to keep people guessing. 

When he first met Phil, he wanted the innuendo and drama. He wanted people to think he was as close to Phil as physically possible. Phil was his and damn right the internet should be jealous. And if it got him more viewers would it really hurt. 

Now he needs people to buy tickets for the stage show. They’ve put so much work into it. He doesn’t want to give up now. They’re so close to announcing it. Why did Jenny have to throw this at them now? 

At least that means it isn’t too late to back out. Once they announce it, they’ll have to stick to whatever they’ve agreed. Their management could pull the funding and cancel it at any time. Dan and Phil will have to follow through with it until the end of the tour or they’ll disappoint thousands of their viewers. Dan will do anything to stop that happening. 

But they might be disappointed if Dan and Phil don’t do another stage show as well. 

They could find new management. But their current team is really good, and it took ages to find people who shared their ethos and weren’t going to push them to make content they didn’t want to. Dan can’t face another six months of ‘have you tried daily vlogging?’.

And that’s assuming another management team wouldn’t say the same thing. It took a lot of work to convince Jenny that they could make a stage show work. That their personalities could transfer and that their fans would buy into it. Even so, the profits of the first show weren’t as high as expected and Dan knew asking for a second one was a long shot. 

Come to think of it, why did they agree to it if they didn’t think it would work? Had they been planning to ask them this all along?

Dan wouldn’t put it past them. 

Still, the work has been done now and the only way this show is going to happen is if Dan agrees to date his best friend for a year.

They could make small changes at first. Maybe they could do the yoga challenge or something. Their fans would go crazy to see them touching. Or maybe they could try doing another ‘Not my Arms’ challenge. Dan behind Phil with his arms against Phil’s sides, his chest pressed a bit too close against Phil’s back with his eyes clos-

Dan is knocked from his train of thought by a hand grabbing his arm and yanking him backwards. Dan turns his head to see a van hurtling around the corner to where he had been stood as he falls back onto his rescuer. 

He hits the floor with a thud, landing on someone’s leg. 

He turns to see Phil laughing on the floor beside him. 

“How have you got to 26 without learning how to cross a road?” Phil chuckles. 

Dan can’t help but smile, laughing as he stands up and turns to offer Phil a hand. 

Phil takes it, pushing himself up off the pavement with his other. Dan pulls him up and can’t help but glance at their joined hands. 

“Luckily I’ve got you, so I’ll never need to,” Dan smiles, sticking his tongue out cheekily. 

Maybe Phil’s eyes flicker at his mouth a moment to long but Dan tries not to focus on it. Almost being hit by a van was enough to slice through the tension between them. Dan feels lighter as they start to walk again, Phil making a show of teaching him how to look both ways before they cross the road.

Dan laughs through gritted teeth and can’t help thinking about how easy this could be. 


	3. Trial Run

Three days go by and they don’t talk about it. 

It’s quite hard really. For the past few months their go to conversation has been the tour. What they want the set to look like, how they want to get the audience involved, even just what the name would be. There’s barely been a day where the tour hasn’t been mentioned at all. 

Now there’s been three. Three whole very normal days. Filled with very normal conversations. They still both woke up to have their breakfast together while watching an anime. They filmed some videos for their gaming channel. They played some video games just for fun. They didn’t mention the meeting, or dating, or the fact that Phil was staring at Dan a lot more. 

It wasn’t that obvious. Dan probably wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been friends with Phil for ten years. Dan would just catch him looking at him from across the room. Or realise his head was turned towards him while they were filming a lot more. It didn’t seem like a flirty look or anything. Just _thinky_. Like Dan was a crossword clue he was stuck on.

It’s not like Dan wasn’t doing the same thing. The meeting had put some thoughts in his head that he probably could have done without. Like the fact that if he were fake dating Phil, he could cosy up next to him right now because he’s cold and then stick a selfie of them on his Instagram story and say it’s just for the tour. 

Instead he’s stuck on the other side of their lounge scrolling through Tumblr when he should be editing their Hide and Shriek video for Spooky Week like he promised Phil he would. 

He looks over to his friend. Phil’s legs are stretched out over the footrest with his mismatched blue and pink socks sticking out of the blanket draped over him. He’s squinting through his glasses and typing quickly. Backspacing. Typing again. 

He looks up at catches Dan’s eye. 

 _Shit._  He opens his mouth. Dan doesn’t know what to do. It’s been too long not to say something. Phil is looking at him expectantly. 

“So, about the meeting,” Dan starts. Why did he bring it up? He doesn’t want to talk about it. Yet he can’t get it off his mind.

“Yeah…” Phil puts his phone down beside him. “Do you think we should do it?”

Cut to the chase, Dan. Don’t seem awkward. “Sure, why not?”

Phil looks caught off guard by Dan’s words. Dan is too, to be honest. He misses when they weren’t talking about it. 

And Phil hasn’t even said anything yet. 

“Oh, okay,” Phil looks back at his screen, pretending to read something like he doesn’t want to see Dan’s reaction.  “I’ve been thinking.”

About what? Dan wonders. Has Phil been thinking about what it would be like to fake date him? Does he want to do it? Has he been massively scared off by how keen Dan just sounded to lie to everyone who’s ever supported them and also on the side maybe cuddle a bit?

“Oh right...” is all Dan can manage to say right now.

 

“We could do a  _trial_  of sorts,” Phil says still not looking up at Dan. “We’re meant to be filming the baking video tomorrow and well...”

Dan thinks. The baking video. They’re making crispy cakes, or something like that. Phil planned it, he went to Tesco today and bought everything... 

Including _the jumper_. 

“The jumper,” Phil says, as if reading Dan’s mind. “I had an idea. I think we can test the reaction to, well,  _us_ ,” he looks up at Dan. “You don’t have to go for it obviously, we don’t have to do this is you’re not comfortable with it. We can go to Jenny right now and tell her no.”

“What’s the idea?” Dan says casually, trying to regain some composure.

Phil looks sheepish. “Well, we’ll both be in the jumper right.”

Dan wonders where this is going.

“And you know there are some people who will jump on _anything_ that makes it seem like we’re together,” he pauses, looking over at Dan, but not quite meeting his eye. “So, I was thinking, maybe we could make it seem like we’re shirtless or something underneath. We wouldn’t actually have to be,” he clarifies quickly, “But we could see how people react and judge if it’ll actually work to get interest for the tour.”

Dan follows Phil’s words and can’t believe what he’s hearing. Phil actually wants to rile up the Phan shippers. 

If that’s how they’re playing it. 

“I’ve got a better idea,” he says. 


	4. Closer

As it turned out, they needed to be shirtless anyway.

The jumper looked odd with the collar of their shirts poking out of the edge, so Dan suggested they take them off anyway.

Seeing Phil shirtless isn’t new to Dan. But he still has to force himself not to stare as his friend shimmies his way into the jumper next to Dan. He brushes against Dan’s side as he pulls his arm through.

“Sorry,” he squeals as Dan moves to the side to give him more room. When he moves back, Dan makes sure to leave a safe distance between them, they’re not fake dating yet after all.

Anyway, the plan.

“Yeah, so I’m thinking we say at the start that we’re keeping our hands in our pockets,” Dan puts his hand inside his pocket to demonstrate, Phil feels distractingly warm beside him. “And then you put your arm round my waist.”

Dan tries to seem nonchalant as he feels Phil’s hand snake around his back and come to rest on his waist.

“Like this?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Dan replies, distracted. His best friends arm is wrapped around his naked waist, who would have thought this week would turn out like this?

He looks at them in the viewfinder of the camera and remembers what this is all about.

“Actually, a bit lower,” he tells Phil, “On my hip, so it’s more obvious.

Phil’s hand shifts down into position.

“There?”

Dan looks at the viewfinder again.

“Yeah, that’s good.”

“Great,” Phil’s hand quickly slips back through the jumper to his side. “Let’s start filming then.”

Dan hadn’t anticipated how hard baking one handed would be, and they have to start again a few times because Dan starts laughing every time Phil puts his hand on his hip. 

He says it’s because it’s ticklish. It’s more because Dan doesn’t want Phil to question why his face goes red every time he touches him.

They talked about this last night. After Dan had explained the plan, Phil had said rather cryptically that this would be a good chance to see if they were up to it as well.

Dan hadn’t really thought about it before that. Whether he could deal with Phil touching him all the time. Or whether it would be too awkward.

Now he knows.

It’s not awkward exactly. It’s just strange to feel the heavy warmth of Phil’s skin against his. And the firm grip of his hand against his hip, pinky finger rubbing against the top of his boxers with every movement.

And Dan can’t help but think about how Phil feels it too. What is he thinking about it?

In the end, they decide to forego the hip-holding for now. Although, Phil does mess around enough to clearly show the bare expanse of their shoulders and let everyone know that yes Dan and Phil are very shirtless and very close to each other.

Very close indeed. As Dan mixes on the stove he can feel Phil’s shoulder pressing into his. It’s surprising easy to act casual, to keep making jokes and pretend like this isn’t a trial run for a relationship.

Because that’s what this is. A test drive.

If they get through this, it won’t end for a year. 

And shoulder touching will just be the start.

Dan relaxes more as they film. He doesn’t even think about grabbing Phil’s hand to get him to move the pan to where it needs to be.

They don’t take the jumper off while they set up for decorating. They just push it up enough to free their other hands and move around in unison, tidying up and rearranging.

They turn on the camera and sit down to start decorating. Not needing to keep their hands in their pockets anymore, they lie between them, touching slightly. Phil is just about to start icing when he pauses.

“Wait, I’ve got an idea,” he says, shuffling closer to Dan and placing his hand on Dan’s waist, looking in the viewfinder the whole time to make sure it’s visible.

It’s very visible. You wouldn’t have to look hard to realise that Phil’s shoulder is very clearly behind Dan’s and that the lump on Dan’s side is more than just jumper

But at the same time, it wouldn’t be hard to deny it. If at the end of the day, Phil decides he doesn’t want to do this. Dan won’t have any problem in saying that he’s just a bit chubby.

Dan tries to joke as Phil shifts into place. “Imagine if we didn’t edit that out,” he smiles up at Phil.

Phil laughs awkwardly and it dawns on Dan that one day they might not. He’s not really sure how far this fake dating thing will go, how obvious they will be.

Dan really hasn’t thought any of this through.

What will they tell their parents? Their friends? Do they have to make it seem like they’ve been dating since the beginning? Or have they only just realised their feelings for each other? Will they come out?

It’s a pity Dan doesn’t have time for an existential crisis before Phil tells him to turn on the iPhone camera again. Dan shuffles in closer to Phil so he can get a better angle on the crispy cake. His arm ends up against the rough denim of Phil’s thigh, and since Phil doesn’t more away, he can’t quite bring himself to move it. 

Phil doesn’t keep his hand on his waist for the rest of the video, but it does snake back without warning while they’re arranging the crispy cakes in the basket. Dan doesn’t question it, Phil must think it’ll help them to find out what their audience will think. That’s what this has all been about.

Dan hadn’t realised how little he minded the steady weight of Phil’s arm around him until it dropped, and Dan realised they were almost done filming.

The moment of truth.

Phil slips his head and arm out of the jumper and hops up to turn the camera off.

“I was thinking we could film the gaming video this afternoon,” he says.

Dan nods. “Yeah, I’ll start editing this one if you want.”

“I thought we could do it together,” Phil replies, looking over to Dan while he tries to detach the camera from the tripod.

It’s not unusual. They often edit videos together, especially for the gaming channel. Dan shouldn’t question it.

Dan’s questioning it.

Why would Phil want to spend more time with him? And there isn’t a lot of room at the big computer desk, they’ll be really close to each other. Have they not been close enough already? Does Phil want to be _closer_?

Dan would question it more but he notices that Phil is still struggling to get the camera off the tripod.

They’ve only had it three years, how Phil hasn’t learnt to work it yet Dan has no idea.

He chuckles as he stands up and walks over to where Phil is leaning over the camera. Dan bends over slightly and places one hand on the camera and moves the other underneath to release it. As he moves, he brushes Phil’s hand slightly.

Two days ago, these little touches meant nothing. Sometimes you do things in the same space as someone, you touch, it happens. But now, everything is charged with something. With every touch is a question, one they’ve got to answer very soon.

Dan detached the camera and hands it to Phil.

“Watch and learn, motherfucker,” he proclaims.

Phil laughs and follows Dan as he walks out of the kitchen towards the computer.


	5. Stupid

Dan’s stupid. He’s so stupid. 

Why had he agreed to edit the video with Phil?

He’s lying in bed, contemplating how the last 24 hours might have been the worst decision of his life. 

It might have been his idea to do the whole ‘touching under the jumper’ thing, but that didn’t mean he wanted Phil to watch his reaction to it on a 32 inch screen in 4k definition right next to him. 

Dan hadn’t realised he was able to blush that much. 

What makes Dan most anxious is that Phil showed no signs of reacting to it. Maybe he hadn’t noticed, after all Dan had been consciously waiting for the moment Phil’s skin touched his to see if his reaction had been as embarrassing as he expected. 

Spoiler: it was. 

Phil is always quieter when they edited. It isn’t that his ‘AmazingPhil’ personality is fake, just that fun and silliness aren’t the most important traits to have when editing videos. Dan wishes he’d said something though, cracked a joke about how Dan had clearly been starved of human touch for too long, anything that would have eased the tension in Dan’s mind. 

Because what if he did notice. But didn’t say anything because he thought it would make Dan uncomfortable. And if he thinks Dan is uncomfortable, then he won’t agree to fake date. And if he doesn’t agree to fake date, all the work they’ve put into this tour will be for nothing. 

Any other day Dan might have been able to rationalise this anxiety. Clearly if Phil didn’t react, he didn’t see it. Or did see it and doesn’t care. Phil’s not making a big deal out of it so Dan neither should Dan.

Any other day, Dan might have done that. Except, things only got worse from there.

After they had cut the start of the video and added in the iPhone footage, Dan noticed they had some of the shots in the wrong order. Naturally, he went to grab the mouse to move them around. 

Except just as he expected to feel a lump of plastic in his palm, he instead felt the warm fleshy mound of Phil’s hand.

“Whoops,” he tried to laugh it off, “Guess I’m too used to having your hand on me.”

That might have worked to diffuse the tension. If Dan had moved his hand. 

Dan only realised he hadn’t moved his hand when he felt Phil pull his out slowly from underneath.

Phil didn’t say anything. He just let Dan pretend to intensely focus on the screen while he dragged boxes around.

In the end Dan had offered to go make them lunch while Phil finished editing. He doesn’t know why being near Phil had made him so flustered, but it needed to stop. 

Their new apartment was all open plan, so Dan wasn’t actually that far from Phil while he cooked. If anything, that only made Dan’s day worse as he watched as Phil kept repeating parts of the footage, staring at the screen thoughtfully. He couldn’t see what was playing on the screen, but he hated to think which parts Phil was focusing on. 

Dan went back to sit next to Phil while their food was in the oven. Editing the baking videos was easier than some of their other content because they didn’t have to change around the chronology, so Phil was nearly finished. 

“Do you want to watch it?” Phil had asked. 

Dan is already cringing at the memory. 

“No, I’m sure it’s fine, we can watch it when it’s done,” he had replied, already trying to think of an excuse not to watch it with Phil later. 

Phil turned to him. “Dan, are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Okay with what?” Dan squeaked. 

Phil looked awkwardly between them. Their chairs were spun round to face each other, their knees touching slightly in the middle. “You know,  _this_ ,” he gestured between them. 

In retrospect, Dan should have told his friend that the situation was more difficult than he was expecting and that it may take him some time to get used to the new relationship between them. 

Instead, he said the most embarrassing sentence to ever leave his lips. 

“What are you on about Phil?” he laughed a bit too forcefully. Then he leaned forward and placed his hand on Phil’s knee, then realised that this was not the right situation to have his hand on Phil’s knee so removed moved it quickly.  _Smooth_ , Dan. “It’s not like you’ve never touched me before.” Dan meant it to be funny, but now both boys were blushing at the statement. Since Dan’s whole reply had been a train wreck anyway, he decided to end on a high note. “Everything is dandy.”

 _Dandy._  

That’s like when Monica left Richard the  _breezy_  message on his answer machine. 

Dan rolls over under his covers and continues to cringe at the memory. 

He had told Phil he needed to answer some emails before they filmed for the gaming channel. They’d eaten lunch in awkward silence. It was becoming a bit of a theme between them. 

Dan knows that something needs to change. If he has to fake date Phil to keep the tour, then the most important thing is that their friendship doesn’t change. That means Dan needs to sort himself out. 

Firstly, no more blushing when Phil touches him. They’re not teenagers anymore, there’s no guessing what Phil means when he brushes shoulders with him or hugs him or puts his bloody arm round his waist. It’s friendly, or maybe from now on, just part of the act. 

Secondly, it can’t be one way. They might have trailed this with Phil’s arm around Dan but in the future, Dan needs to initiate. That’s the only way he can prove to Phil that he really is okay with this.  

Dan feels reenergised, like the anxiety has just melted off him. All he has to do is  _act_  like he’s dating Phil. Luckily for him; his followers think Dan and Phil’s normal actions mean their married. All he needs to do is throw in a few well-placed comments and stare at Phil while he talks (‘heart-eyes Howell’ is making a comeback) and he gets to do another tour. 

It’s just an act. He can do this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve written another chapter (which is wayyyy better than this one - I just needed this to change Dan a bit because I’d made him too awkward for my ideas to work lol). Anyway I want to post it tonight but I was wondering if someone could help me with anime references - I watched death note about 7 years ago and that’s the extent of my knowledge :/ Yeah so if someone has watched Yuri on Ice or Free! especially I could use your knowledge thnx


	6. Button up

It’s Halloween. Their video went up yesterday. Dan woke up early and has spent most of the morning searching ‘the arm thing’ on Tumblr. 

People definitely noticed. 

Phil did a good job of editing. They could get away with it. No one could say definitively that anything happened. You could quite easily convince yourself that it was just the jumper. 

Dan still hasn’t talked to Phil about it. He wants to be the one to bring it up. Phil has been awkward since their last conversation, tiptoeing around conversations about the tour or their next videos. He’s been more serious when editing videos, only really talking to ask Dan’s advice on small changes. That only makes it more startling to Dan when they start filming and Phil is loud and in his face, making inappropriate jokes left, right and centre.   

Dan’s been doing better though. He feels embarrassed about how jumpy he was when they filmed the baking video. It really isn’t a big deal. They’re just dating for the tour. It’s basically fan service. He’s just giving the people what they want. 

They haven’t explicitly agreed to keep doing the dating thing though, so Dan hasn’t pushed things too far. The baking video was planned out in excruciating detail. He can’t just go springing a casual leg grab on Phil with no warning. 

Phil bursts into the lounge, interrupting Dan’s train of thought. 

“Sorry, I didn’t think you were up yet,” he says from the kitchen, “I was thinking we could watch Yuri on Ice again.”

Dan closes his laptop over and picks up the remote. Phil comes over to the sofa with a bowl of cereal. 

“That better not be mine,” Dan glares at Phil who smiles cheekily back at him. Dan narrows his eyes jokingly and scrunches up his face and Phil’s smile tightens as he tries not to laugh. 

They continue their stare off for several seconds until neither of them can help bursting into laughter. 

Phil rocks his head back as he laughs and spills milk over his crotch. 

“Really Phil?” Dan jokes, “You’re going to have to learn to contain yourself around me.” He stares pointedly at the wet patch on Phil’s pyjama pants. 

“Watch it, or I’ll tell everyone you have a cereal kink” warns Phil as he slowly stands up, trying not to spill anymore cereal.

“Don’t kinkshame me!” Dan yells at the figure disappearing into the hallway. 

He reopens his laptop while he waits. On the screen is a gif of when Phil put his arm around Dan’s waist. The Dan on screen shows no sign of reacting, he’s already leaned across Phil icing something carefully. It almost looks like they do this all the time, like Dan is used to having Phil’s arm wrapped around his naked body. 

The video is huge. Their baking videos already get a lot of views, but this is the biggest yet, and the response on Twitter and Tumblr confirms Jenny’s ideas. People want another tour, and they want to see Phan on it. 

Dan almost feels bad, they really are going to lie to everyone. They might have played up on their closeness before, but it was never premeditated. It was like sometimes they saw an opportunity to act like a bit more than friends and they took it because its what people wanted to see, and their followers deserve something back for supporting them so much over the years. Or when they were editing, they didn’t take something out because they knew how people would react and they needed the views. This is different. There’s no denying that this is intentional. 

Phil walks in, interrupting Dan’s train of thought. He sees the gif on Dan’s screen. 

“People like the video,” he remarks. 

Dan turns to him. He’s changed into jeans and a button-down shirt which is still half open, his fingers fumbling on the middle button. 

“Yeah, they do,” Dan says absentmindedly. Why is Phil dressed like that? He racks his brain. “Hey, are we going somewhere today?”

Phil looks up from where he’s still struggling with the buttons. “It’s the meeting,” he hints. 

Dan looks blankly at him. 

“The meeting with Jenny.”

Dan remembers. Phil called yesterday to say they’d be coming in to talk about the tour. He and Phil haven’t actually talked about what they’re going to do yet. Now is probably a good time to do that. 

“Oh yeah,” Dan drags out, working out how to word what he wants to say next. Before he can start though, Phil groans loudly. 

Dan looks up at him, eyebrow raised. 

“Sorry, I just can’t fasten this up,” he pulls on his shirt. “The buttons are the wrong way around!”

Dan laughs. “You do know that  _women’s_  shirts have the buttons on the other side.”

Phil looks down at his shirt with his mouth wide. “But it was in the men’s section. It was all alone at the end of the aisle, I couldn’t just leave it.”

Dan laughs harder as Phil tries to undo the buttons and finds that he can’t do that either. He’s pulling helplessly on the side of the shirt hoping they’ll slide out or something. 

“Stop, stop,” Dan tries to stop his laughter. He moves his laptop and shuffles round so he’s on his knees on the sofa, leaning over the back to where Phil is standing. “It doesn’t look bad, let me do it.”

Dan starts buttoning up the shirt. Because the buttons are the wrong way around and he’s facing the opposite way, it’s quite easy. He can feel the warmth of Phil’s skin under his knuckles through the thin shirt. “You know, women’s shirts only have the buttons on this side because their servants would do them up for them,” he says.

“Does that make you my servant then,” Phil jokes.

“Do you want the top button doing too, Sir?” Dan relies, putting on a posh voice. 

“Yes, boy. And hurry to it,” Phil replies curtly, copying Dan’s accent.

The two giggle lightly.

Dan stands up on the sofa and leans in close to Phil’s neck so he can see what he’s doing. If anyone saw them now it would be quite hard to explain. Then again, Dan wonders if that even matters now. 

“So,” he says seriously, slipping the button through the hole, “What are we going to say in the meeting?”

He straightens Phil’s collar out and then moves away, admiring his handiwork. The pale blue colour brings out Phil’s eyes and although the fabric curves in slightly at the hips, it isn’t obvious that it’s not made for Phil’s body shape. 

Phil’s eyes flicker to Dan’s laptop screen, where the gif is still playing. He walks round the sofa to sit down and pick up his cereal again, pulling a face when the first bite is a soggy disappointment. 

“What do you want to do?” he asks, turning the tables on Dan. 

Dan is ready for this. He’s been preparing what he will say so he doesn’t sound like a horny teenager. 

“I think we should do it,” he says calmly, looking Phil in the eyes. “Like Jenny said, we wouldn’t be doing anything we don’t already do. It’ll just be more obvious,” he looks away, “As long as you think it won’t make things weird between us?”

Cool. Calm. Collected. 

Success. 

Phil’s looking at him strangely, like he’s a puzzle he can’t work out. Dan panics that maybe Phil is thinking the complete opposite and he’s just massively embarrassed himself, but before he can take it all back Phil replies. 

“No, as long as we’re both on the same page, there’s no reason for it to be weird, right?” He looks at Dan who nods in agreement. “So, we’ll tell Jenny we’ll do it. But I want the tour contracts signed today. We’re not doing anything unless the tour is guaranteed.”

“It’s a plan, Stan,” Dan replies, nodding. They’re going to get the tour. Phil will take care of that. 

He picks up his laptop again and looks at the gif. 

What have they started?


	7. 2014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m not sure how I feel about this chapter tbh but it should get better lol

If you had told Dan eight years ago that him and Phil would be sat in a meeting to plan out their fake relationship, he would have laughed. He wouldn’t have been that surprised really, maybe a bit excited that him and Phil had stayed friends for so long and that they were so close. He might even have been disappointed that it was only a fake relationship. 

If you had told Dan the same thing 5 years ago. He would have cringed. 

It’s embarrassing to look back on, but at the same time, Dan couldn’t help how he had felt. He’s not quite sure what it was exactly that made him want to be seen as straight, but he’s always been protective of his identity. He wanted to feel like the way people saw him was his own choice. 

When people shipped him and Phil it felt like Dan didn’t have a choice about the way he was seen. His every action was open to interpretation and could be used against him, used to assign him a sexuality and define his friendship. He almost felt like if people stopped assuming he was gay he would have the time and space to figure out his sexuality without being pushed into a box -not that there was anything wrong with that box. 

It didn’t help that Dan couldn’t have a sexuality separate from Phil’s. The more Dan implied he wasn’t straight, the more people thought he was dating Phil. In the end, he couldn’t even navigate his own friendship without thinking and overthinking every action, trying to work out what it was that made people think they were together. 

It’s complicated. Dan had only ever tried to explain it once. To Louise, when they were tipsy and Dan felt like he needed to tell someone so he could move on. 

Louise understood. She had kept her relationship private and the questions had never stopped. Maybe it was nothing but harmless curiosity, but as the subscriber count grew, the pressure on each of them became overwhelming. 

Dan often wonders how Louise managed to be so positive through everything while he became irrational and defensive. He had needed to be able to express himself and yet what resulted was the least authentic version of himself. A half-idealised half-empty vessel through which he rose to fame. 

Still, maybe he needed to be that person to be the person he is today. Maybe the distance he put between him and Phil made their friendship so much more meaningful when they got it back. Maybe what he regrets most is not apologising to Phil, for everything. 

Then again, maybe he never did need to apologise with words. 

Jenny agreed to their requests immediately. The tour would be announced in two weeks with the concept finalised.  _‘Interactive Introverts’_. 

Dan and Phil had to sign a new contract which gave their management the right to ‘indefinitely postpone’ the tour if Dan or Phil were ‘uncooperative’ with the requests of management. 

Since Dan had given himself a pep talk and realised that the ‘fake dating’ was a bit dramatic for what would basically be him and Phil becoming closer friends, he found that he signed the contract feeling remarkably calm. Any fears he had had that this would ruin him and Phil’s friendship, or that their fans would find out and hate them, had dissipated. 

That doesn’t mean that this meeting wasn’t fucking strange. 

As part of their ‘cooperation’ with management, Dan and Phil had to attend a meeting to decide what the backstory to their relationship would be in order to ensure that the relationship presented would seem authentic and that they won’t get caught out. 

So that’s how they’ve ended up sat in a back office with two interns around a too small desk covered in timelines and photos of Dan and Phil’s entire friendship. It’s a fangirl’s dream. 

“So, it’s decided,” the blonde-haired girl says, “You two couldn’t agree on anything so you broke up and the tour’s off,” she snaps, pressing her palms to her face in exasperation. She’s probably younger than Dan and only in this job because thought working in media would be fun and exciting. It’s funny, Dan had thought the same thing. 

In all honesty, Dan doesn’t know what the big fuss is. He wants to say the relationship is new and that they only just realised their feelings for each other. That way they’ll have more scope to get closer on the tour and won’t have to embed anything from too far back into their plans so they’re less likely to make a mistake and get caught out. 

Phil, on the other hand, wants to say they’ve been together since they met in 2009. It makes sense, most people who ship them think they’ve been together since the start and they’re the fans being targeted for the tour. It just feels weird to Dan, like he doesn’t want to write over all those memories from the early days with a warped version that will get them through the next few months. Whatever he felt about Phil at that time belongs to him. Not these interns, not Jenny, not their followers.

“Why don’t you compromise?” The other intern offers. The green haired boy from their original meeting with Jenny had walked in with a large grin and way too much energy for Dan on a Tuesday morning, but the tired look in his eyes tells Dan that his patience is wearing thin.

Compromise. What, like pick a date in the middle? Dan can’t think of a reason to complicate everything with a random start date. It’s going to be hard enough to remember all of this as is. There’s not a single date that springs to Dan’s mind as a good point to ‘start’ their relationship. 

Unless...

Phil clears his throat. “What about 2014?”

The memory hits Dan like a gunshot. He doesn’t say anything for a moment. He can see Phil looking at him from the corner of his eye. 

Dan remembers his promise to himself that he wasn’t going to let Phil get to him anymore. If Phil can use that memory without being affected, then Dan will too. 

“Why not?” he says, “2014 it is.”

The interns shoot each other a confused look, but the relief underlying it is noticeable. 

The green haired boy pulls part of the timeline towards him and circles the date in red. 

“2014 it is,” he smiles.


	8. Guilty Pleasure

The next couple of weeks are remarkably unremarkable. After building up the courage to talk about his depression, releasing a calendar and a board game and finding out he needs to date his friend to save his career, Dan is glad to have a sense of normality back. 

Unfortunately for him, normality means a flat mate who acts like a cereal hoover and a to do list longer than a Fall Out Boy song title.

“Dan,” he hears a voice call from somewhere in the flat. 

It’s coming closer so he doesn’t reply. 

“Dan?” the voice calls again, it seems like it’s coming from the kitchen now. 

“In here,” Dan calls back, pausing the video he’s watching and shifting up slightly from his browsing position in his bed. He’s been trying really hard not to stay in bed all day like this anymore, but sometimes he can’t help but give in to his guilty pleasure. 

Phil pops his head round the door. “Oh, you’re in here,” he chirps. 

Dan looks back at him confused. Does Phil just want to keep track of his location, or does he have a point?

Phil still seems to just be smiling brightly at him, so Dan decides it must be the former. 

“Yes, I am in here,” Dan prompts. 

Phil snaps out of his gaze and seems to remember why he decided to disturb Dan at the ungodly early hour of 11am. 

“Jenny,” Phil starts, seemingly still distracted. “Jenny wants us to... sorry is that me?” Suddenly, Phil is walking across the room. 

Dan follows Phil’s eyes to his laptop which is still on his lap. Sure enough, the whole screen is taken up by an image of Phil’s face. 

“You do know we live together,” Phil laughs, “You don’t need to stalk me anymore.”

“Haha,” Dan deadpans, exiting full screen and showing Phil what he was doing. “I was watching your old videos, dipshit.

He can see the pride in the corner of Phil’s eyes, even if he just looks mildly embarrassed on the rest of his face.

“You know, when you used to be funny and original,” Dan mocks, “Now I just live with a 30-year-old who still has an emo fringe.” He smiles up at Phil. 

“An emo fringe you’re going to have to put up with for six months on tour,” Phil jokes back then straightens up. “Seriously, why are you watching my videos in,” he stares closer, “2014?”

“I like them?” Dan replies awkwardly. 

Phil looks at him disbelievingly. 

“No, really,” Dan sits up and clicks open his watch history. The last ten videos are all of Phil, bar the vine compilation in his suggested that he couldn’t resist. “How can I be Phil Trash number 1 without stalking you every now and again?” 

Phil laughs at the reference. 

“So, what did Jenny want?” Dan changes the conversation, remembering why Phil had come into his room in the first place. 

“Oh, yeah,” Phil hesitates, “She needs us to pick a more specific date.”

“For what?” Dan replies confused, they’d already decided to announce the tour on the 14th. 

Phil looks uncomfortable, but also like he’s trying to make it obvious that he isn’t uncomfortable. That can only mean one thing. 

“Oh,” Is all Dan manages to say before Phil interrupts. 

“I was thinking we could just say summer or August or something, is that okay with you?”

 _August?_  

Maybe Phil hadn’t been thinking the same thing as Dan when he had suggested 2014. Maybe he had just picked a random year to get them out of that meeting. It would make sense, Phil didn’t seem like he’d thought too hard about it. 

“Yeah, sure,” Dan replies casually, “We could mention an anniversary or something on the tour, it’ll be good.”

“I’ll text Jenny then,” Phil holds up his phone and then turns to leave the room. “Have fun with my younger, more attractive self,” he calls just as he turns the corner. 

In truth, while Dan really did love Phil’s videos, there was another reason why he was watching them today. 

Him and Jenny must have been on the same wavelength because Dan had known that eventually they would have to give some indication of when they ‘got together’.

Ever since the “cooperation” clause in their contract, Dan has had the feeling that this ‘fake dating’ thing might be a bit more than a few looks at each other and some offhand comments. 

If anything, the timeline only confirmed his fears. Their management had gone through every video, every tweet, every livejournal message. Anything that their audience knew about, anything that could be used as a reference, it was all there. 

Even the V-Day video, the fucking April Fool’s Day prank that never ended, was there. With a star next to it in case Dan and Phil hadn’t realised that it was a significant point in their online presence. Dan doesn’t understand why Phil never deleted it, why it was in his private videos all those years later. Then again, this is the boy who has hard drives from when he was a teenager so maybe he’s just a data hoarder. 

The green haired boy wanted them to use the video as a framework. Their followers already knew the story, and it was a pretty good story. When he first heard Phil’s ideas for it, he wondered if he would ever have half as romantic a story with anyone he actually ended up with. So far, the answer is no. But then again, nothing that Phil said ever actually happened either so maybe love is just a lie. 

Dan guiltily searches for the video. He knows there are still versions up on YouTube and Vimeo. Phil takes most of them down every few months, but it gets reuploaded eventually. 

He didn’t think much of it the first time he watched it. Phil sent him a link, so he’d know what to expect when they ‘leaked’ it. They’d already brainstormed what they could say. It isn’t hard to make a close friendship seem like something more. The fact that he doesn’t want to have sex with him doesn’t change the fact that Dan loves and cares for Phil more than anyone else. 

But people don’t care about that. 

The bit that upsets him most is that his memories are forever changed by the video. He doesn’t mind the Manchester ones so much, he knows the truth, that he was so nervous and excited that day that if Phil had actually tried to kiss him on the Manchester Eye, he probably would have thrown up there and then. The story that bothers him most is the one about the Halloween party in Manchester. 

When he thinks about that night it feels like a warm fuzzy cloud. But that was probably because he was drunk. 

Phil was too. 

The flat had been full of people and it was getting the point where Dan wished he smoked so he’d have an excuse to stand outside away from the noise and heat without looking like a loner. 

So, he went for the next best option. His go to ‘get out of social situations’ card. 

“I’m going to get pizza,” he had called, “Does anyone want to come?”

At first no one replied. Then a couple of people shook their heads. 

Great! He wanted to go alone. 

Then Phil appeared from another room. His hair was sweaty, and his shirt rode up slightly. “Did you say you were getting pizza?” he smiled. 

So that’s how they ended up walking to the local takeaway together. Dan doesn’t remember exactly what they talked about. The party probably. Who was necking who and how ridiculous hooking up at house parties was in your twenties. Dan didn’t know much about that, but he still laughed when Phil said it. 

They couldn’t find a pizza place, so they settled for chips from a food truck near where Dan’s lectures used to be. 

Dan doesn’t remember sobering up much while they walked. The world still felt hazy while they sat by the fountains and talked about life. 

That was the first time they really talked. 

Even now they don’t do it often. In fact, Dan can’t remember that last time they  _really_  talked. 

 

Dan told him everything. All the secrets he never thought he’d want anyone else to know. They talked about liking boys. About what it was like to come out to their family and friends. Dan had never had a friend to share that stuff with before. 

And hearing Phil say that he didn’t really care about anyone else at the party, only Dan, is when the lines of that video blurred, and Phil really could have been talking about his and Dan’s friendship. 

Dan can’t think of that memory now without the looming thought of that video. Because he knows when Phil said those words he wasn’t acting. After all, it’s easier to sell a lie that’s mostly true. But if that part of the video is true, how can Dan really separate it from the rest, knowing that Phil has thought of all the moments they could have kissed - could have been something more than friends - but says that the moment he knew Dan was something more to him was at that fountain on that night. If that’s true, then does it matter that none of the rest of it happened. It happened in Phil’s mind. And then Phil put it in everybody else’s.

It messes with Dan’s head. And makes a warm fuzzy feeling rise in his chest, almost like the alcohol made him feel that night. 

Dan closes the tab with the video open and sits up in bed. He checks his phone and sees several messages from Jenny and a missed call from Louise.

He scans the messages for anything important. It’s mostly the same things Phil told him about and some tour dates to check. That can wait till later. 

Right now, he needs to talk to Louise. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if you thought i was going to explain ~2014~ :))))))
> 
> it’ll be worth waiting for, i promise <3


	9. Domestic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Took a bit of a break (I have actual exams to revise for kids). Next chapter will reveal a bit more about 2014 but for now enjoy some domesticy banter

“So, I said to her, ‘If me and Phil aren’t godparents, I won’t give you tickets to our show’,” Dan recalls enthusiastic splashing water out of the sink as he finishes washing the last pan. 

Phil chuckles, taking the pan from Dan’s hands and drying it. “You should have told her she has to name it Phil,” he laughs. 

Dan draws in a breath as Phil reaches across to dry the edge of counter in front of the sink, grazing the front of Dan’s thigh as he does so. 

Phil doesn’t say anything, so Dan can only assume he didn’t notice what he did. It was an accident anyway. 

They walk out of the kitchen into the lounge, Dan telling Phil about his conversations with Louise. Well, the conversations about her pregnancy and Darcy and work. He doesn’t tell Phil  _everything_. 

Dan had gone for a walk when he made the call. Their new flat may be bigger, but the walls are still thin. 

For some reason, Dan didn’t want Phil to know he was telling someone about their situation. Maybe it was because he didn’t even know if they were allowed to tell people, or maybe he just didn’t want Phil to think he wasn’t coping and needed to talk about it. 

He couldn’t let Phil think this was going to break him. He couldn’t be the first to crack. 

 

Louise hadn’t been shocked. After everything that managers and PR companies had asked of her, what Dan and Phil were doing didn’t faze her. It was nice for Dan to have someone who didn’t judge what he was doing. 

She warned him though. She told him not to do anything he didn’t want to do. Anything he couldn’t come back from. She’s watched him struggle with his identity over the years and she knows how important it is to Dan that he is in control of his image. She doesn’t want him to do anything he’ll regret. 

It’s sweet. But while she was talking Dan realised the inevitably that he will have to do things he doesn’t want. He will have to lie to the people who care about him most. He will have to focus on the thing he’s tried to distance himself from for so long. He will never be able to take any of this back. 

No one will forgive him if they find out he’s a sell-out. 

Dan’s still glad he talked to Louise though. She has a habit of always knowing what to say so that Dan doesn’t feel like not existing would be the better option right now. She’s probably his closest friend. Phil’s still his best friend,  _obviously_. But there are some things that he just can’t talk to Phil about. 

Like the fact that the thought of them dating turns Dan’s brain into anxiety’s holiday home. 

But right now, Dan isn’t thinking about that. He finishes telling Phil about how Darcy’s getting on at school while they settle down on the sofas in the living room. 

The bottom of Dan’s shirt is still wet and sticking uncomfortably to his stomach, so he quickly pulls it off and replaces it with a hoodie that had been strewn over the back of the sofa earlier in the week. 

When his head emerges through the hole, he sees Phil is focussed on his phone, thumb scrolling intently. 

Dan also takes out his phone, opening twitter and looking through his mentions. There’s a lot of speculation about what they’re announcing this week. Dan only briefly mentioned something about it in his livestream but naturally there are a few die-hard shippers who think that maybe this time they’re going to announce Phan is real. 

Dan admires their dedication. They’ve been quite excited recently as Dan has been more open about his sexuality and the new flat meant plenty of new theories for them to talk about. Dan wonders what people will think once they start the tour. How long will it take for people to suspect something? Will people come to his and Phil’s defence? Will this divide the fandom?

Dan doesn’t really think so. The average age of their fans has increased as they’ve aged and there doesn’t seem to be as much petty fighting now. It might actually be okay. 

There’s no going back now anyway. 

They’re going for a photoshoot tomorrow and filming the announcement video a couple of days later. Dan supposes they could still call it off, but so many people have worked hard on it and they need something to tell their followers. Unless he really does want to come out, they need to announce the tour. 

Dan comes across a drawing of him and Phil. They’re sat on the sofa, Dan’s head on Phil’s lap, Phil’s hand in Dan’s hair.

Dan looks across at Phil. 

Why couldn’t they be like that?

Why couldn’t they be closer sometimes without it being something more?

For fucks sake, Dan just wants a friend who will stroke his hair and tell him everything’s going to be alright without everyone thinking they must be dating or fucking or married. 

Dan can feel himself getting upset. Maybe he should just go to his room, so he can cry. Normally he would try to talk to Phil about it but right now he can’t. The past few weeks have just been too much for him, all the tension and awkwardness and just not knowing what’s going to happen next. 

Phil interrupts his spiralling thoughts. 

“Hey, that’s my hoodie,” Phil whines. Dan looks up to see him pouting in his direction. 

Dan stretches his legs out across the sofa. “Sorry, would you rather I was shirtless?” he cocks an eyebrow jokingly. 

“Yes! Get your Dan sweat off my hoodie. I only just washed it,” Phil leans across Dan’s legs trying to reach the hoodie. 

“This isn’t clean! I saw you take it off and leave it here the other day,” Dan replies, leaning away from Phil’s grabbing arms. 

Phil pouts again and goes back to his side of the sofa as Dan laughs, somewhat missing the weight of Phil on his legs. 

“Do you want to watch something?” Dan asks, picking up the remote and turning on the TV. 

Phil doesn’t reply. 

“Phil?” Dan tries again, glancing over at him. “Phil, don’t you dare ignore me?” 

Dan can see the twitch at the corner of Phil’s mouth as he tries not to laugh. He thinks he’s so funny.

Dan gives up, he’s too warm in the hoodie anyway. He pulls it back over his head, makes it into a ball and throws it at Phil’s head. 

“You know what, I’d love to watch some TV, Daniel,” Phil says smugly, still not looking up. 

“Fuck off,” Dan laughs, bracing his back against the arm of the chair so he can poke Phil with his foot. 

Phil looks over at him. “Don’t touch me with your feet!” he cries. 

“You’re going to ignore me, are you?” Dan keeps poking Phil in the thigh with his toes. “Really? Are you glad you ignored me?”

“Get your feet away from me,” Phil grabs Dan’s ankle and holds his leg still. 

Dan pretends to try and poke him again, but Phil holds his leg still. He’s looking at Dan seriously and Dan feels the smile fade from his face. 

For a moment they just stare at each other. Dan sees Phil’s eyes flicker to his naked torso. 

He pulls back. Phil releases his leg and the two of them quickly shift to face the TV. 

“Bake off re-run?” Dan asks. 

Phil laughs, and Dan feels like theirs a hint of nervousness in it. If he’s so affected by being close to a shirtless Dan, convincing people they’re dating is going to be easy.  “Yes, I’ll have me some Mary Berry any day,” he says. 

Dan gets cold halfway through the show and barely has to show Phil his puppy-dog eyes before the hoodie is flying back to his side of the sofa. He smiles triumphantly as he shakes it back over his head. 

Dan unlocks his phone and sees the drawing again. He looks over at Phil, his face softly lit by the light from the TV. A small part of him wants to move closer to him, to lean on him, no questions asked. 

But there would be questions asked. 

So, he stays on his side of the sofa and thinks back through the day’s events. 

There’s one thing that’s still really bothering him. 

Why did Phil say August?


	10. December

Dan doesn’t think about it often. He can go months without the memory resurfacing. And even then, it’s not a real memory. Just a series of images playing back like the jump cuts that haunt his early videos. A mismatch of the moments he can remember from the whiskey haze. 

It’s more the idea he remembers. He’ll be doing something completely normal, like putting the shopping away or editing a video, and it hits him. 

He doesn’t dwell on it. He almost feels like laughing when he thinks about it. That night feels like a world away. Another Dan and another Phil lying too close on a too small bed. The idea of it is just ridiculous. 

He never thinks about it when he sees Phil. It just doesn’t occur to him. Nothing changed that night. Their friendship was as strong as ever, stronger even. 

No one knows about it. 

And they never will. 

Him and Phil said their good nights and drifted to bed a few hours ago. But Dan still can’t shake the feeling he got when Phil said August. 

It felt like rejection. 

How could Phil think about 2014, think about his and Dan’s relationship, and say  _August_?

Dan doesn’t want to be too forward, but the month he was looking for was  _December_. Christmas, house party, stupid, fucking  _December_. 

It’s not like Phil could have forgotten. Dan’s memory might be hazy, but he definitely knows what happened. 

Why is it bothering him this much?

It’s just a made-up date, it doesn’t even matter. It’s not like they’ll have to announce to everyone when they started dating. It’s just a point of reference so one of them doesn’t act like they’ve been together for ever and the other act like they got together last week. 

It’s just a date. 

Maybe Dan’s just upset because he thought Phil wanted him to think about it. Wanted to use something real so this whole thing didn’t feel like one massive lie. Or maybe he wanted to believe than Phil still thought about that night too. In fleeting frames of skin against skin. Maybe Dan just wanted to know that they were on the same page. 

That doesn’t matter now. Maybe it will be better that they can detach their situation from reality. Half-truths are always risky, Dan learnt that in the V-Day video. 

Dan drifts off to sleep, still wrapped in Phil’s hoodie, bitterness clouding his thoughts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I’ll update again tomorrow 
> 
> I hope everyone reading is enjoying the story so far, I s2g it’s only gonna get better xxxxxx


	11. Picture Perfect

“Hi, boys,” Jenny bounces over to Dan and Phil as they enter the small studio. “Make-up’s already waiting for you Dan. Phil you can come with me.”

Dan tries to greet Jenny, but she’s already grabbed Phil by the arm and whisked him away to the other side of the room. Dan can’t help but giggle at the confused look Phil shoots back over his shoulder. 

Who knows what Jenny wants from him. 

Dan reluctantly turns towards ‘make-up’. Or what most people would call a chair in front of a mirror in the corner of the room. There are a couple of women milling about who he assumes are waiting for him, so he heads over. 

“Hi, I’m Dan,” he reaches over to shake hands with one of the women. 

She giggles as she shakes his hand. 

“I’m Coleen,” she glances around, “Gemma, Gemma, come meet Dan!”

The other woman scurries over and greets Dan. Then the two women turn to each other and giggle again. 

Dan glances at the chair. Should he just sit down? Why do they keep giggling and... glancing at his crotch?

_Shit!_

Dan’s fly is fully open with part of his shirt poking out through the gap.  _Oh god._  At least he’s wearing his nice underwear. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” he says flustered, trying to zip up his pants. “I’ve been walking round like this all morning, I can’t believe Phil didn’t point it out.”

The two women turn to each other and laugh again. Dan doesn’t think his face could be any redder. Thank god they’re going to cover it in make-up so no one else can see his embarrassment. 

“Don’t worry sweetie,” Gemma says, “I’m sure he was just enjoying the view.” She bursts into a cackle like laughter. 

Coleen is doubled over laughing. 

“I’m sorry, lovely, I’m sorry,” Coleen straightens up, one final giggle escaping from her lips. “You two are really cute together though.”

Dan’s about to correct her when Jenny appears at his side. 

“Thank fuck you noticed your fly,” she comments. 

“Yeah, thanks for pointing that out,” Dan deadpans, not sure who exactly he’s talking to now Phil has also popped up behind Coleen. 

Gemma claps her hands together, “Right. Let’s get you boys pretty then.”

Gemma and Coleen turn out to be a right laugh. 

They don’t bring up Dan and Phil’s relationship status again, but Dan can see the looks they give each other in the mirror every time him and Phil make a comment to each other. 

It takes about an hour to get their faces camera ready and their hair vaguely tidy. Then a pile of clothes are placed in their arms and the women leave while they change. 

Apparently, Jenny wouldn’t stretch to a place with a separate dressing room. 

Dan doesn’t think much of it, it seems half of London has already seen his underwear this morning so stripping off in front of Phil is nothing. He stays in the chair to slip off his shoes. 

“So, what did Jenny want to talk to you about?” Dan asks. He can see Phil’s shirt on the floor, so he doesn’t look up. 

“Just tour stuff,” Phil mumbles. 

Dan pulls off his shoe with a large tug and nearly tips the flimsy chair backwards. He feels a hand on his back pushing him upwards. 

“We can’t have you falling at my feet again,” he hears Phil chuckle behind him. 

Dan makes eye contact with him through the mirror, remembering how he had collapsed on him on that walk home after Jenny had told them they needed to date. 

That seems like a lifetime ago. 

Dan stands up and turns to Phil,” And you’re supposed to be the clumsy one,” he laughs. 

Phil turns around to change his trousers and Dan slips his shirt over his head and replaces it with the thin white jumper Jenny picked out for him. 

He doesn’t really see the point in changing his black jeans for an almost identical pair, but someone would probably notice if he didn’t so he reluctantly changes, making sure the fly is well and truly fastened. 

Phil is already changed, looking at himself in the mirror and messing with his fringe. 

“It looks fine,” Dan tells him, “I promise.”

“It keeps splitting at the front,” he whines and spins round so Dan can see. Sure enough, Dan can see a small sliver of pale forehead peeking through the dark locks. 

“Someone will make sure it looks okay in the photos, don’t worry,” Dan walks over to him and ruffles the front of his hair for good measure, messing up the careful style. 

“Dan!” Phil exclaims, turning back to the mirror and desperately trying to smooth it back down, “It took Gemma ages to do that,” he hisses. 

“Calm down, I’ll fix it,” Dan turns Phil back towards him and gently smooths the hair back over his forehead. “If you really don’t like it you could always change it, you never wear it like this at home,” he adds, softly. 

Phil doesn’t say anything. 

Dan’s moving the final few hairs into place when he hears footsteps behind him. 

“Oh, don’t worry if you mess each other’s hair up,” he turns around to see Gemma winking at him before heading to her bag to get something. 

She brings over a can of hairspray. “You boys are too tall for this,” she mutters, “Be a dear and do each other for me.” She hands the can to Dan and winks again before walking away. 

Dan looks over at Phil who looks confused. “Does she...” he stumbles over his words, “Does she think we’re... together?” He gestures between them. 

Dan remembers he didn’t manage to correct them earlier. “You’re going to have to get used to it, mate,” He laughs and copies Phil’s gesturing. “ _This_  is a thing now.”

Phil laughs uneasily and closes his eyes so Dan can use the hairspray. 

“I guess that’s going to take some getting used to,” he says quietly. 

Dan takes a moment to study his face. His smooth pale skin and long black lashes, the way his white t-short clings to his broad frame, the way he fiddles with his hands when he’s nervous. 

Dan thinks he could get used to this. 


	12. Master Phan

It’s five in the morning. 

Dan hasn’t slept. He’s walking around the living room talking animatedly to himself. 

“ _Giving the people what they want_ ,” he mutters. 

It’s perfect. It’s the lexical embodiment of the next few months of Dan and Phil’s lives. They’ve sold their souls to twelve-year-old girls and now they will live with the consequences. 

They announced the tour today. Well, yesterday now. They filmed a few versions of the announcement but as soon as Dan heard that phrase leave his lips, he knew it was the one they’d use. 

Teasing, but not excessive. Reluctant, but not unwilling. Deliberate, but not obvious. 

They couldn’t make it seem fake. If Dan and Phil went from friends with banter to a couple of 4 years overnight, people would catch on pretty quickly. They’d be known as sell outs and their careers, as well as the tour, would be over. 

No, they had to be subtle. 

This had to seem accidental. Their closeness in videos would be gradual. Certain comments would slip through the gaps. Moments they’d normally edit out for fear of how they’d be interpreted would be left in. 

Dan supposes it isn’t that fake. Really, they are just showing everyone the parts of themselves they trained out of their video personalities. The looks, the touches, the flirty banter. The only reason this plan is going to work is because they’ve starved their fans of each other’s attention for so long that they will jump at any hint that they’re close to each other and magnify it’s meaning. 

Granted, the baking video was fake. Deliberate, at least. But Dan supposes that there won’t be many other opportunities to do things like that. It will have to be subtler or people will start to notice they’ve only got closer when they want their followers to buy something. They also need to pace themselves, they need to build it up slowly, so no one expects them to start making out after two weeks.

The image flashes through Dan’s brain again. 

He stops pacing. 

He’s been thinking about that night a lot lately. It’s probably just because of the whole ‘fake dating’ thing. It’s got his brain all messed up and overanalysing. 

Never mind that. 

The bigger question is how Dan is going to retain any sanity over the next year if barely three weeks of it has got him pacing all night. He won’t be able to do this on the tour bus. He needs to sort his thoughts out now. 

He thinks back to his rules. 

First, no blushing when Phil touches him. 

Dan’s been pretty good at that. He hadn’t blushed  _obviously_  since the baking video. It’s for the best, he can’t have Phil questioning his commitment to the act -only for work, not for pleasure. 

Second, it can’t be one way. 

Dan could be better at that one. He still needs to prove to Phil that he can play along with this convincingly. But the time doesn’t seem right yet. Phil’s doing fine leading the way with little comments that let Dan say just enough not to give the game away. Dan will have his chance, soon. 

Dan’s about to start weighing up the pros and cons of their living arrangement to their situation, but he’s interrupted by a creak at the top of the stairs. 

Dan turns around to face the noise. 

“Oh, you’re already up,” comes Phil’s groggy voice. He rubs his eyes and starts to walk towards Dan. He seems to notice the fact that Dan is stood up, feet halfway through a step, with his hands midway through a gesture in the air in from of him. 

Dan really needs to make it less obvious when he’s been talking to himself. 

“Or, you haven’t slept yet.” There’s not judgement in his voice, but Dan still feels like he’s disappointed him. He’s been getting better at this. 

“You know me,” he flashes a smile at Phil and tries to assume a more natural pose. 

Phil has plodded off to the kitchen and started raiding the cupboards. He looks up, “Anything you want to talk to Philly about?”

_Maybe one day._

“No, it’s good. Just tour stuff.”

Phil’s brows furrow. 

Dan continues quickly. “Nothing major. I’m just wondering whether people like the concept and if we’re going to live up to their expectations. You know, that kind of stuff...” He trails off. 

Funnily, even though Dan hadn’t spent the night worrying about that stuff, now that he’s said it, he is quite concerned.

Apparently, Phil is still concerned as well. The frown lines are set deep in his forehead. Dan needs to be careful or he’ll give his best friend wrinkles before he’s forty. 

“Have you seen twitter? People are so excited!” Phil reassures him, walking back from behind the breakfast bar with a biscuit in his hand. 

He catches Dan’s questioning look. “Hey! It’s my pre-breakfast,” he says, crunching on the biscuit. His voice drops, “And, I’m serious,” he’s right in front of Dan now, “You don’t have anything to worry about.”

Dan believes him, of course he does. Phil is a good judge of these things. All Dan does is spend time thinking of eventualities that will never happen. 

But there’s still that thought at the back of his head. 

“But Jenny,” Dan says feebly, “We have to... She said we wouldn’t get enough tour sales.”

Phil smiles broadly. “But that was before the master plan, or should I say the master  _Phan_!”

Dan can’t help but laugh. “That sounds like a kinky fanfic.”

“Maybe it is,” Phil winks back. 

Dan’s laughing hard now, but he feels on the verge of tears. It’s probably the sleep deprivation, or the depression... Either way, he can’t cry in front of Phil. The poor kid doesn’t know how to cope when his jokes don’t cheer people up. 

Phil is so pure, and Dan doesn’t want him to feel like he isn’t good enough to cheer him up. Because he is. But sometimes Dan needs to cry anyway. 

He laughs a goodnight to Phil who is happily munching on the rest of his biscuit. 

He feels lighter when he lays his head down on the pillow. 

Maybe he needs a third rule. 

When in doubt, sleep. 


	13. Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!  
> Funny story, I failed my exams so I had to take a break to sort my life out a bit. I’m rewriting some of the earlier chapters at the minute but I wrote this a while ago and wanted to post something because I’m really excited about this story. I’ve got big plans kids. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

The next few weeks are relatively normal. 

Dan uses his new rule whenever the bubbles of doubt start to rise in his brain. Maybe it’s just because he’s well rested, but everything seems easier. He isn’t thinking about him and Phil anymore. Which is surprising considering the amount of time they’ve been spending together. 

First was Phil is not on fire. Dan couldn’t believe that it had been nine years since the first one. PINOF really is special to him and he wanted to make it as good as it could be. 

If he’s honest, Dan normally overthinks PINOF. He feels like there’s some kind of expectation for them to be closer than other videos, to do and say things they wouldn’t otherwise. Or maybe Dan just uses it as an excuse to anyway. 

This time was different though. He wasn’t thinking about how people were going to react. He didn’t think too hard about the jokes he was making. He wasn’t subconsciously working out what to edit out. He was just being stupid with his best friend. And he thinks they did a pretty good job. 

After PINOF came ‘Gamingmas’. Dan had almost forgotten the joy of changing his shirt three times a day to get videos out in time. He didn’t really mind though. There aren’t many jobs where you get to play video games eight hours a day, so he can’t complain. 

Dan sometimes thought about what they were doing. When Phil suggested the Not My Arms challenge a little voice in Dan’s mind questioned his motives. But at the end of the day, Dan felt freer than he had done in years. 

There were no expectations anymore. If they seemed too close it made Jenny happy and sold them tickets for the tour. If they seemed deliberately distant it fitted their pattern of withdrawing over the years when people thought they were something they weren’t. That learned behaviour protected Dan and Phil from seeming like sell outs now. Dan couldn’t lose.

He enjoyed spending more time with Phil, both because of the gaming videos and because the imminent threat of snow meant they left the house even less than usual. They had started watching films together at night, tucked up on the sofa or, once, in Dan’s bed. 

It felt like old times. Like the time he used to spend at Phil’s house, or those weeks on the last tour where Dan would sit in Phil’s room on the bus while he napped so he could have some time alone to reset. 

He really isn’t joking when he says he’s an introvert. 

Phil always offered to sleep in the bunk, but Dan didn’t mind the company. Not when it was Phil. 

It’s not like him and Phil have never shared a bed before. Far from it.

They used to do it all the time whether it was at Phil’s house or Dan’s university halls. 

That all changed when Phil got his flat and for some reason neither of them could quite justify sleeping together when there was a perfectly good sofa. 

Maybe that was when everything started. That was the moment they decided they weren’t going to be the kind of friends who slept together out of choice. 

Necessity was a good enough excuse. Phil didn’t hesitate before climbing into Dan’s tiny university bed long after Dan had been relegated to the sofa at his own flat. He’d push himself right up against the wall, like an unspoken rule, but by morning the boundaries would be long gone. 

If anyone asked, Phil had slept on the floor. 

Dan is at his parents’ house. It’s the day after Boxing Day and he’s hiding in the toilet to catch a break from his relatives. He was expecting this. He wanted to spend the whole of Christmas at Phil’s so he could escape his grandma patting him on the head and asking if there was anyone ‘special’ in his life. 

He tried to be cute and say she was the only special person he needed in his life, but she had replied that she couldn’t give birth to her own grandkids and now Dan is scarred for life. 

His parents aren’t much better. They ask him how Phil is doing with knowing looks and his brother has made a habit of pointing out the fact that every story Dan tells involved Phil in some way. It’s not fair! They live and work together and quite like each other’s company, so Dan’s bound to have a few stories about him. 

That was yesterday. Today the extended family are round in full force. Aunties and uncles and cousins that Dan hasn’t seen since he was about fourteen. They all want to know how he’s doing, they’re ‘very glad the YouTube thing worked out’ and they all want free tickets to the tour. 

Because ‘they’re family’, of course. 

Dan needs a minute to himself before he goes out to face the Howell clan. 

His phone vibrates in his pocket. 

Phil has sent him a snapchat of him with a Christmasy filter on it. He looks cute, rosy cheeked and button nosed. 

 _Hope you’ve told all your rellies about me!_  The message reads. 

Dan double taps Phil’s name and quickly snaps a photo of himself with the same filter. The room is dark though and the angle makes Dan look more demonic than adorable. 

 _They want to know why you’re thirty and still living with a loser flatmate,_ he types. 

The reply is almost instant. 

 _Because he makes more money than me and can pay the rent :*_. Dan reads it in his voice and can almost feel the obnoxious smirk. 

He can’t help himself. 

He opens the chat. 

 _Miss you_. 

The reply is just as fast. 

_Miss you too._

Then, before Dan has a chance to reply. 

_I’m home New Year’s eve! And... we’ve got plans._

His bitmoji pops down and Dan curses Phil for trying to be cheeky. 

He is curious though. Him and Phil haven’t done anything for New Years for ages. They aren’t really the partying type, and even if they were, they don’t have many friends near their new place.

There’s a knock on the bathroom door. 

Dan slips his phone back into his pocket. Time to face the world again.


	14. NYE

“You better not make me miss the meme,” Dan states, walking into his room.

Phil chuckles, “What meme?”

“The New Year’s meme,” Dan states.

Phil looks up at him blankly from where he sits on the floor straightening his hair.

Dan can’t believe he’s friends with people like this. “You know, when you start a song before midnight so the first words you hear in 2018 are something cool or funny.” He can see Phil start to recognise what he’s talking about. “I’m currently stuck between Africa by Toto and Britney’s Gimme More.”

“Why Britney?” Phil asks.

“Because I want the first thing I hear in 2018 to be ‘ _It’s Britney, bitch_ ’, obviously,” Dan imitates her voice, in his opinion, perfectly.

Phil gives him a dubious look in the mirror.

“What? It’s iconic.”

Phil laughs.

“Where are we even going?” Dan whines, rooting through his wardrobe. 

“I told you,” he laughs, “Just wear what you’d normally wear.”

Dan groans. “Just tell me where we’re going. How am I meant to get dressed If I don’t know what I’m getting dressed for?”

“Wear that, you look fine,” Phil replies, nonchalantly. 

Dan’s wearing an oversized grey jumper and a pair of ripped jeans. It’s something he’d wear for a video, not to a party or a restaurant or a petting zoo or whatever the fuck else Phil could have planned. 

Phil’s only in jeans and a t-shirt and he doesn’t look like he’s planning on changing. Phil looks fine like that though. Effortlessly put together. Whereas Dan would just look like he hadn’t tried hard enough. 

He finally settles on a pair of tight black skinny jeans and his long, checked shirt. Phil isn’t wearing flannel, so he might as well take the opportunity for them to look vaguely different for once. 

Phil’s still messing with his fringe as Dan buttons up his shirt. He only ever regrets buying this top when he remembers how annoying it is to do up all these fucking buttons. 

Dan thinks back to a few weeks ago, when he had done up Phil’s button’s in their living room. Maybe he could ask Phil to finish his now, return the favour as it were. 

He leaves his friend in front of the mirror and heads towards the kitchen. Should he eat? What if they’re going out for food?

He’s about to shout Phil to ask when suddenly his vision goes black. 

“What the fuck, Phil?” he shouts, grabbing at the counter he knows is beside him to steady himself. “I know you want to keep this a secret, but do you have to fucking  _blindfold_  me?”

He can almost feel Phil’s smile burning into him as two hands come to tie the black piece of material behind the back of his head.  _Is this a scarf?_

“I need to pee,” Dan deadpans. 

There’s a sigh before the material is lifted from his face. 

“Fine, but I’m putting this on you in the cab,” Phil says, dangling what Dan can now see is a tie in front of his face. “And I’m taking your phone,” he calls after Dan who is already walking down the hall.

Once they’re in the cab, Dan is mainly just relieved he didn’t have to navigate the stairs blindfolded. He plugs himself in and lifts his head to see Phil’s grinning face brandishing the tie in front of him.

“Come on,” he coaxes, “Turn around.”

Dan reluctantly obeys, shuffling around in the seat to face the window. The cars and streetlights vanish as the black material is carefully placed over his eyes. He waits patiently as he feels Phil tying the tie carefully around the back of his head. The material is soft against his skin. He didn’t know Phil owned silk ties…

He feels the taxi pull away from the curb. Phil had handed the driver the address on a piece of paper as they got in so Dan has absolutely no idea where they are going. God only knows what the driver must think of them right now anyway. Dan hopes Phil gives him a big tip.

He feels Phil tap him on the shoulder. “All done. Remember, no peeking when we get there.”

Dan wonders what they could possibly be doing. A part of him dreads that this could all be part of some elaborate prank, but he doesn’t think Phil has it in him to organise something like that.

“If you’re taking me to the Thames to murder me, I won’t be happy,” Dan jokes.

He hears Phil laugh. “Trust me, if I wanted to kill you, I’d have done it a long time ago.”

“I don’t know that,” Dan replies seriously, “Maybe it was your New Year’s resolution and you’ve just been procrastinating and left it till the last minute.”

“That seems more like something you would do, mate.”

It’s unnerving to not be able to see Phil’s reactions. It puts Dan on edge slightly not knowing if Phil is smiling back at him or staring out the window. Almost subconsciously, Dan reaches to fiddle with the blindfold.

Just as his fingertips come to rest on the fabric by his temples, he feels another hand on top of his.

“Don’t mess with it,” Phil whines, “You’ll ruin the surprise.”

Dan reluctantly pulls his hand away, feeling Phil’s hand drop away as he does. He pouts in Phil’s direction.

A hand appears on his knee.

“We’re nearly there,” Phil says teasingly, “It’ll be worth it, I promise.”


	15. Midnight

The blindfold heightens all Dan’s senses. He can hear the rush of traffic as the taxi door opens. Smell the rain that had been pouring for hours that morning. Taste the December cold at the back of his throat. He breathes out slowly and imagines the dragon’s breath that would no doubt be there if he could see.

He feels his way out of the taxi, careful to find his footing on the road before pulling himself up against the door.

“Oh, wow, Phil,” he says sarcastically, “This place is just beautiful. You really shouldn’t have done.” He places the side of his hand up against his forehead like he’s looking around. “How you found a life-sized replica of SpongeBob’s house in the middle of London, I’ll never know.”

He smiles at his own joke as he faintly hears Phil finish paying the driver.

“Ah well, you’ve seen it now. We might as well go home,” he hears Phil reply coming closer, finally stopping right in front of him.

He feels Phil lightly put his hand on his shoulder and direct him forward a few steps before hearing the taxi door click shut behind them. Dan goes to take another step forward and nearly trips as his foot clips the curb.

“Sorry,” Phil screeches, “I forgot to warn you about that.”

Dan regains his balance and laughs. “Are you sure you’re not trying to kill me?”

“Not tonight. This is going to be much better.”

He feels Phil push gently against his shoulders and starts walking forwards again, letting Phil guide him. At some point Dan feels the ground beneath his feet change and the air around them become warm. Phil is walking closer to him now, so close Dan can feel his breath reaching the back of his neck.

Dan gets why people use blindfolds during sex. He always got it in theory, but he never understood just how much of a difference it made to not be able to rely on sight. It’s like his whole body is working overtime trying to understand what’s going on. He normally hates surprises, but he can’t help the sense of anticipation rising him in about what Phil has planned.

He wouldn’t even mind if he killed him. This is the best build up to an event he’s ever had. 100% worth it.

“It’s just in here,” Phil says quietly.

Dan feels Phil lean around him to push open a door. A hand on the small of his back leads him into the room. They take a few steps before Phil moves his hand away.

“You can look now.”

Dan brings his hands to his face and carefully slides the material up over his head. It takes his eyes a moment to adjust. He’s surprised to find himself in a dimly lit large room. He turns his head to see rows of seats to his left facing a large screen.

A cinema?

He turns back to Phil who is grinning at him like a proud father.

“Now I’m convinced you’re trying to kill me. Why have you brought me to an abandoned cinema?” Dan takes another look around the room. It’s not massive, but there are a good fifteen rows of seats in front of a massive white screen stretching from one end of the room to the other. Dan notices two massive containers of popcorn on the front row seats as well as what looks like an array of other snacks and drinks.

“Remember the other week when you were talking about how you love to watch things in the cinema, but you hate how annoying people are and all the effort we have to go to so people can’t find us,” Phil says.

Dan remembers their conversation. He hadn’t even been sure Phil was paying attention. They were putting the shopping away and Dan was just chatting to fill the air. Who was he to know his best friend was plotting away in the meantime. Then again, this was the boy who took him on a surprise trip to Edinburgh after their radio show ended just in case he was upset and might need cheering up. But that was years ago now…

“Well,” Phil continues, “This place contacted me a few months ago about doing some sponsorship stuff, and one of the things they suggested was a private viewing.”

“So, what do we have to do?” Dan asks, “Instagram story? Twitter?”

“Neither,” Phil says smiling. “I told them no. They wanted us involved for the whole of this year, and what with the tour and everything we couldn’t do it.”

“So…” Dan is confused. “What are we doing here?”

Phil shushes him. “I’m getting to that. Hold your horses.” He turns and starts to walk towards the seats where the near banquet of food is laid out. He gestures Dan to follow. “I thought the idea of being in the cinema all alone was really cool, and I wished we could have done it, but I completely forgot until you were talking about it that day in the kitchen. So, I contacted the cinema and asked if you could book out the whole place. And they said no.”

He pauses to sit down, patting the seat next to him to gesture Dan to do the same.

“How come we’re here then?” Dan is really confused now.

“Well, it just so happens that the girl on the phone recognised my voice… and is a big fan…” Phil turns around to face the back of the theatre. Dan follows his movement. He peers up to the back of the room and sees a girl waving through the small window next to the projector.

He snaps back to look at Phil, who is happily waving back at the girl.

“Wait, I recognise her,” he says.

Phil chuckles and turns back to him. “After I told her my plan, she was more than willing to help me out. And in return, I said I could arrange for us to meet her.”

Phil is looking incredibly proud of himself and Dan can’t work out for the life of him why.

It suddenly dawns on him.

“Costa!” he exclaims, looking back up towards the girl with shock on his face. “She came up to us and asked for a photo.”

Phil struggles to contain his laughter.

“You told her we’d be there,” Dan shoves Phil playfully. “I knew it was strange that you wanted me to come with you. You sneaky bastard.”

Dan can’t believe Phil went to so much effort for him.

“You better have picked a good film after all this,” Dan mutters.

“Don’t worry, I have,” Phil replies smugly.

“Oh, you have?” Dan repeats mockingly, moving closer to Phil’s face. “Are you going to tell me what it is?”

“Nope,” Phil smiles.

Dan’s about to say something back when Phil’s face changes.

“Seriously, I really wanted to do something with you tonight. I know we could have just stayed at home, but I wanted some time where it was just us – no family, no phones, no management.”

That’s funny. Dan hasn’t heard from any of their management for ages…

He doesn’t have time to dwell on it as the lights start to dim and the screen lights up.

The beginning of _Howl’s Moving Castle_ starts to play.

“You didn’t.” Dan turns to Phil, “You know this is my favourite film.”

Phil just smiles back at him and Dan can’t help the giddy feeling that rises in his stomach.

Had Phil let Dan keep his phone, he would have checked out for midnight to find out the first words he heard in 2018. Instead, Phil leans over when his watch strikes twelve and whispers in his ear, “Happy New Year.”

Dan had wanted the first words he heard that year to be special. Never mind the meme, he felt like the first words he heard would be a profound part of his life for the next twelve months. But hearing Phil’s soft whisper, and the gentleness of his breath against his ear, he doesn’t really mind what it is he’s saying. He mutters a reply and turns back to the screen.

Little did he know that Phil’s watch is a few seconds too fast, and as he turns he misses his real first words of the year.

As he turns to Phil, Howl turns to Sophie and says, “ _I think we ought to live happily ever after_.”


End file.
